It's Going To Be Alright
by cakeisnotmythingx
Summary: As Delia goes back to Wales with her parents, Patsy is suffering the loss of the woman she loved and finds love in someone unexpected. It's Nurse Gilbert's time to shine! Slightly AU in terms of what goes on in my head... Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: (If you feel this chapter is too short, let me know) xo**_

_She's gone. She's really gone._

Patsy held back tears as she looked over captured memories of her and Delia she had kept hidden in a box in her bedside table.

_It was all my fault._

A week had passed since Delia was sent back to Wales with her parents. Meanwhile Patsy continued to wallow in the bedroom she had hardly been moved out of long before the incident. It had become a regular occurrence during shifts and it was easy for her to hide now that Trixie was often out at her recovering alcoholics group.

But that didn't make it easier. All she wanted was someone to hold her. No. She didn't want someone. She wanted the woman she could no longer have.

Because she was gone.

* * *

"Congratulations, you have a little boy!" Barbara smiled as she passed Mrs Bennett's newborn baby to her. She loved nothing more than these moments. They made her feel like she had witnessed someone's life change completely. Well, of course! But the pride she felt in being able to help was a feeling like no other.

Barbara Gilbert often felt herself lucky. For she knew some of her fellow midwives and nurses were going through or have been through big things, and she realised how awfully quiet her life had been lately. From patients to clinic to evenings out with Trixie.

That is until something unexpected happened later that night.


	2. Chapter 2

THUMP.

"Oh. Bloody Trixie! Ouch!" Patsy looked down to find she had tripped on one of her roommate's stilettos. On her way back up her reflection caught her off guard and she cringed at the sight of the red faced, puffy eyed, broken girl staring back at her before a disruption from a knock at the door.

"Patsy? Is everything alright?"

The red head swallowed the lump in her throat at Barbara's sweet and caring voice and opened the door, inviting her in.

"Have you been crying?"

Unable to reply the nurse looked down. Feeling ashamed. She sunk onto Trixie's bed and surrendered to tears rolling down her cheeks before flinching at the feeling of a hand rubbing her back. Apart from births and patients, she hadn't had any form of physical contact with anyone since Delia and had forgotten the feeling of comfort.

"Please talk to me. You don't have to tell me why you're upset. I just want you to know that I am here for you, I will listen to anything you have to say and won't tell a soul."

The warm words patsy felt flow into her ears gave her hope and she knew she would be safe with Barbara. The two didn't tend to share personal things, but she felt something in the brunette's soft voice that she didn't feel with the other midwives. Never really thinking anything of it because she already had the woman she loved.

She didn't care. Comfort was needed and she knew it. The danger of going down Trixie's path was foreseeable and it was the last thing she wanted.

Barbara ran her hand through ginger hair as Patsy rested her head on her friend's chest and felt herself calming down. What was it she was feeling? It was so strange yet so familiar...

"It's going to be alright."

Patsy heard the words. However still couldn't manage to speak. An attempt at a whisper "thank you" was all she could manage. Despite this, Barbara sat silently and tried to comfort her friend as much as she could. After all, she couldn't imagine half of what the girl was going through.

Ten minutes passed. The red head had stopped crying and felt calm and peaceful from the sound of the heartbeat coming from underneath Barbara's uniform. She looked up and found soft green eyes looking back at her. Unable to stop herself from smiling.

Barbara chuckled nervously. Realising there had been butterflies flying around in her stomach for a while now. Having no idea why. How was Patsy having this effect on her? Even after crying she was still beautiful.

_Wait a minute. What am I doing? Never mind how I feel right now. She needs me._

"Tell me what's up sweetie."

The inferior nurse finally had the courage to speak up. She unhooked herself from her friends arms, despite immediately missing the warmth when she left them, and sat up on the bed cross legged. Barbara mirrored her actions.

"I...erm...ok. I'm unsure of where to start."

"Take your time."

Suddenly Patsy felt a wave of confidence sweep over her and it all came flooding out at once. Every detail. The acceptance of her sexuality, the hidden relationship, her love for Delia, the sneaking out, the café outings, the flat, and lastly, the consequences of the accident.

Barbara needed a minute to take it all in and felt her eyes start to water. How could she not have known? Of course! It all makes sense now!

"Please don't tell anyone. Nobody else on this Earth knows. It was between us only and at the time I felt it was better that way. But honestly I feel so much better now it's off my chest. Especially as it's you."

Barbara felt her heart beat faster and her cheeks go red. "I won't tell anyone. I promise. I'm so sorry you had to keep it a secret. If you'd have told me, I would have been really happy for you. In fact, I am now. You're so strong Patsy. Even now, you had the courage to tell me everything"

"I'm really proud of you."

Patsy couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew Barbara would be understanding but never expected such a beautiful and supportive reaction. In the blink of an eye she felt herself flying towards Barbara into a long overdue embrace. This time she was happy. So was Barbara.

_I knew it. I knew she liked girls. Maybe I do too. What? Don't be silly._

_I like her._

_No. I think I love her._


	3. Chapter 3

Patsy still felt uneasy whenever she needed to see a patient. As it meant she had to ride the bike that brought back that horrible memory. Even after Fred had fixed it, it still looked the same. Exactly the same as when she saw off her beloved Delia riding off into the distance. Thinking everything was going to go so smoothly and for the better.

Pushing the memory aside, the red head pedaled, headed for the streets of Poplar when she saw another cyclist approaching in the corner of her eye. When she noticed it was Barbara who had passed her, she knew she was still being looked out for and smiled. It had been two days since her confession and ever since, the brunette always gave her a reassuring smile every time they saw each other. It made her feel good. A kind of happiness that let her know everything was going to be alright.

"Nurse? She's in ere!"

Patsy looked back to find she had been so lost in her daydream that she almost missed her patient's address. She got off her bike whilst making a mental note to ask a certain someone to go for some fish and chips later. Just the two of them, hanging out, as friends.

* * *

"Feeling any better today?" Barbara asked Patsy as the two linked arms and walked towards the docks. She couldn't help but feel excited that Patsy had asked her out for some dinner and time to themselves. Extra effort had even been made into choosing her outfit. Not that she was trying to impress anyone of course...

"A little. Thank you for asking. Sometimes it still fells rather strange though. Like I'm still trying to pretend none of it ever happened and tonight I would be on my way back to the flat to spend another evening with her just cuddling and appreciating the fact we finally found somewhere private enough where we could be ourselves. I don't think that will ever go away." Patsy replied. Even though for the first time in a while she felt much more cheerful, noticing how amazing her friend looked, she sulked at her own words.

Barbara saw her face fall and squeezed her arm sympathetically. "I can't say I know how you feel. Obviously. But I will do everything I can to try and make you feel happier."

She wished she hadn't said that. The words sounded empty and made her feel more useless. Patsy thought otherwise and smiled back with pure gratitude.

"You're already doing enough. The last thing I want is to be alone. Don't leave me alone tonight. Please?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"...and that's when I knew I was in love. We both knew it was a big risk to take but we couldn't ignore the feelings. When you feel love in your heart like that it just feels right. Despite what the world thinks."

Barbara listened intently. Taking in every word as Patsy gradually revealed her and Delia's feelings for each other. She understood what the woman was talking about now. Being speechless, terrified and happy for her all at once. Her facial expression showed it and concerned her friend.

"Oh no. I've said too much haven't I? I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable. I guess I just got carried away."

"I..." Before Barbara could say anymore, the two both felt something falling on them.

Rain.

They jumped off the bench now covered in chip newspaper and ran back towards Nonnatus. Laughing as they did. And Patsy didn't care for the fact she was getting wet.

For the first time in what felt like forever she was happy and joyous again.


	4. Chapter 4

"Throw me a towel?" The girls had made it back and were attempting to dry off in Patsy's room. Still unable to stop giggling from how funny it had all been. Being grateful that the house was somewhat empty to avoid being questioned or interrupted. Barbara was especially happy about this, she finally had been able to spend some time with the woman she had wanted to get to know better for so long.

Patsy on the other hand, was starting to question herself. Whilst Barbara went off to get some tea she was glad for some alone time to try and figure out what was going on. She reached for her journal and started to write her thoughts down.

"Barbara and I have been getting on so well. I feel a little bad for never really spending much time with her before. We would go out with Trixie and Delia, but I suppose I was so afraid every time Delia so much as tried to hold my hand that I never got the chance to notice such a wonderful girl on the other side of the table. I've always looked up to Babs. When she first arrived she looked so shy and intimidated. I couldn't have been more wrong. For none of us could have been more proud the night she delivered three babies in one go, how does one have so much willpower?"

The last question caused Patsy to think further._ Is Barbara Gilbert really as good at hiding herself as I am? _

"Your tea dear. I even stole a few biscuits from Sister Winifred's tin. That can be our little secret."

Patsy jumped and could have sworn that last part of her friend's sentence stood out significantly. She quickly snapped her journal shut and thanked Barbara for the tea.

"Our little secret?"

Barbara suddenly realised what she had said and panicked. "Oh no, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant. The biscuits..." She looked down in embarrassment.

"Wouldn't be the worst of my dark secrets." Patsy muttered.

_How is that going to help her? You see what you've done? Stop bringing her into your dangerous life. She's getting embarrassed and uncomfortable._

"Babs if you want to go, I understand. This is all probably so overwhelming. I feel so selfish for dragging you into everything."

The brunette left Trixie's bed and took Patsy into a tight embrace. "I thought I told you I wasn't going anywhere."

Patsy felt her heart melt as Barbara slyly winked after she'd finished speaking.

_Does she like girls? Maybe she does. What? Don't be silly. _

_I like her. _

_No. I think I love her._


	5. Chapter 5

"Hello? Earth to Barbara! Could you please pass me a plate?" Trixie was about to give up and get it herself. She knew why Barbara wasn't listening.

Patsy gave her a gentle nudge and smiled to herself.

"What? Oh, sorry." Barbara said with embarrassment as she passed a plate over. As she relaxed back into her chair she felt a hand sneak towards her own under the table.

Patsy knew it was a risk. Especially since she didn't even know if Barbara liked her or not. But right now, she didn't care. After the nurse left her last night to go to bed she felt a sudden empty feeling and missed having someone to hug. So she tried to clear her mind and go to sleep before Trixie returned.

_No such luck._ She thought back to last night's conversation:

"Evening Patsy. Did I wake you?" Trixie walked in and proceeded to get ready for bed, with a smile that Patsy hasn't seen on her in the longest time.

"No, you didn't. I was just thinking about things. That's all."

Trixie could sense that there was something going on. She had noticed that Patsy had perked up recently, but it was always either that the two hadn't had the time to talk much, or Patsy hadn't felt like talking to anyone since Delia left.

"Patsy, if anything is on your mind, don't be afraid to tell me. I know that I've been so wrapped up in my grief for the last few months that we've drifted apart, but what I've learned from the group and my own experience, is that it is much better to talk to people rather than bottle it up."

Patsy sighed. She knew Trixie was right.

_I'm tired of hiding from everyone. Trixie is my friend and she deserves to know the truth._

"Well first off, the reason I was so upset over Delia leaving was because we were more than friends. Girlfriends in fact. Losing her has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with."

The blonde chuckled. "You really think I didn't suspect a thing? You know I don't care who you're in love with. I thought you and Delia were perfect together, and although it isn't the same, I have felt the pain that you do."

Patsy felt a weight lift off her shoulders. "Thank you." She replied, drifting off to sleep with a smile.

"Oh, and I think Barbara may have the hots for you. I've seen how she looks at you."

Barbara felt nerves shoot up in her stomach, but she had no intention of moving her hand and instead intertwined her fingers with her friend's. It made her feel warm. Loved. Forgetting to even ask why Patsy wanted to hold her hand in the first place. Meanwhile Patsy smiled for the second time that morning, never for one moment expecting the gesture to be returned so lovingly.

* * *

Barbara was exhausted after a long day. After clinic, two home checkups and a birth, she wanted nothing more than to fill her empty stomach with some food and read in front of the fire. Unfortunately, noises were coming from the kitchen and it looked like someone else had had the exact same idea.

Despite this, when she saw a flash of ginger hair she was no longer disappointed. What happened this morning had not yet been addressed and it had been on her mind the whole day.

"Patsy."

_What on earth was that? What happened to "good evening" or "hello, how was your day"?_ Embarrassment washed over her yet again.

Patsy jumped at the sudden mention of her name and turned around too fast. Her uniform was now covered in jam from making toast.

"Oh, goodness. I'm terribly sorry!" Barbara felt worse than ever and reached for some tissues. _Why can't you just be normal?_

Patsy wasn't the slightest bit angry. In fact she couldn't stop laughing at the situation and how she had somehow ended up with the brunette dabbing at her clothes with a cloth.

"You have to try and stop laughing, you're making it worse!" It was no good. The laughter was contagious. But before she could continue, the cloth was taken from her hand and she felt eyes looking down at her. She stared back. Almost hypnotized by Patsy's beautiful smile.

"It's only jam darling. But now I'm still hungry."

"I'll make you some more toast."

She would make her toast every morning if it meant they shared moments like this.


	6. Chapter 6

Patsy enjoyed the last bite of her second toast and felt relieved to have finally eaten.

"Patsy?"

Patsy jumped. "If you keep saying my name out of nowhere I may go into shock." She wished she hadn't said that. The image of Delia laying in the hospital bed creeped back into her mind and she could feel a lump form in her throat.

Barbara felt awful. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to ta...Are you alright?" She could see Patsy was upset and wondered if she should leave her alone for a while. Maybe forever. There was a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, feelings of guilt and regret.

_Instead of helping her I've just ruined everything. Of course she doesn't like me that way. She belongs to someone else and I'm just getting in the way. Oh Barbara, you silly girl._

"I. I should go. I have to get up early."

"Babs it's 8:30. I'm fine, promise."

"You're not. You need her, not me. All I've been is annoying."

Before Patsy could object, Sister Monica Joan walked in. Patsy could hear words coming out of her mouth but she couldn't seem to register what Sister was saying. Probably something about cake.

_I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. _She thought to herself. _Barbara was nowhere near annoying. Why does she always think so low of herself?_

One thing Patsy knew for certain was that how she felt about Barbara was genuine, but the same feelings returned whenever she thought of Delia. Which left her wondering whether it's time to move on or not.

I mean yes, I still love Delia. Of course I do, she was my everything and she was taken away from me just like that. But it's hardly likely I'll ever be able to get her back. Even with sending letters it just feels too risky. Anyone could read them.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and looked to see her friend obviously trying to hold back tears while Sister Monica Joan was still present. Reminding herself that Barbara had not too long ago called herself annoying without so much as a reassuring gesture, she grabbed her arm and set for the bedroom.

* * *

"Please sit down."

Barbara sat on the bed without saying anything. She was too confused and nothing was making sense in her head anymore, being taken over by paranoia that she was about to lose one of her best friends.

Patsy sat herself opposite. Knowing she needed to start talking before they both lost it with anxiety.

"Barbara, there are things you need to know. First off, you are not annoying. Far from it. I know you feel like you've made things worse but please don't because during those seven days after Delia left I felt nothing except for numb and broken. What was even worse was that I had to pretend I was fine in front of everyone. Trixie, the sisters, Nurse Crane, my patients, and everyone else. When inside I was empty. Not only longing for her to come back but also having this hope in the back of my mind that I would look behind me and there she would be. Healed and well with her memory back to normal and we would live the life we were supposed to. But then you came and you've helped me more than you know. I honestly couldn't have coped without you."

She couldn't say anymore because there was now a crying girl making her shoulder wet with tears.

A relationship could come later. It didn't need to be rushed. Right now, Barbara's friendship was all she needed.

"So, you're not angry at me?" Barbara asked. Drying her eyes.

"Never! You're my best friend Babs."

The brunette felt mixed emotions.

_Best friend. Well, I'll win you over someday Patsy Mount. _

**A/N: Writing this chapter made my heart hurt! Feedback appreciated. x**


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh no." Barbara picked up the glass now shattered into pieces on the floor.

Sister Evangelina threw the tea towel onto the counter in anger. "Oh for goodness sake Nurse Gilbert. It's been a year, I would've thought you'd have learnt how not to drop things by now!"

"I'm awfully sorry sister. It just slipped."

Patsy saw Barbara struggling and walked over to help. A sneaky "I think she's on the menopause." whisper was enough to make the both of them chuckle. Two months since Patsy's heartbreak had made their friendship stronger than ever and all the while Patsy was still unaware of the other girl's feelings for her. Though she never stopped thinking about Delia, she had regained all confidence, happiness and strength and had gone back to being the Patsy that everyone knew and loved.

There was only one question. Was Patsy ready to fall in love again? She knew she loved Barbara dearly, but was she in love with her?

* * *

The red head fell back onto her bed after a busy day. The room was quiet with the only sound being the gentle snores of the blonde nurse a few feet away. Unfortunately, there wasn't any chance of sleep as thoughts of earlier reentered her mind.

_Hmmm. Barbara Gilbert. A sweet and somewhat innocent girl from Liverpool. Dark haired and beautiful. Always putting other people first. Adorably clumsy. I love the way alcohol makes her vomit. Poor thing._

Patsy laughed at herself. Wondering when she developed this talent of listing people's traits. It didn't stop her from continuing.

_No boyfriend? Quite frankly I've never heard her talk of going after any man, or woman for that matter._

_What about when she held my hand under the table rather than push it away? What does that mean? And the jam. The way she looked so afraid, but there was something else. A sort of twinkle in her eye. In fact, come to think of it, we often seem to be getting into these sort of staring contests. Not that I'm complaining. It's rather nice._

_Even Trixie said something about the way she looks at me. Maybe she was pulling my leg._

_Or maybe, just maybe, Barbara feels the same way I do._

Patsy felt a wave of courage rush through her. She was ready to move on. But there was something she felt she needed to do first.

The pen was in her hand, the paper lent on a book on her pillow, and the message in her head.

_"Delia,_

_As you know, or maybe not, it has been two long months since we were separated. Since you were taken away from me just like my other loved ones. It has been hard for me. Has it been hard for you too? I suppose not. You probably just see me as the friend who was sat beside you in the hospital when you woke up. But Deels, if somewhere deep down inside you does remember who I am, remembers us and what we went through in what I felt was the happiest time of my life, I want you to know that I have never stopped thinking about you. I keep a photograph of you underneath my pillow and every night I kiss it. As if I were kissing you good night like we said we were going to do in our new flat. Do you miss the flat Delia? I kept that vase that you liked so much. After all, it was one of the few things I could bare to keep that reminded me of your presence._

_Anyway, the purpose of this letter is to let you know that I have healed. I'm myself again and it feels amazing. In fact, I think I'm in love with someone. You remember Babs? She reminds me of you. Gives me the feeling of safety and love. She's helped me so much since you went away. But this doesn't at all mean that I stopped loving you Delia. I do love you and always will. I just feel in my heart that I need to move on and be with someone who makes me as happy as you used to. Barbara is an amazing woman and she knows how I feel about you. She knows that she will never be what you were. I'm trying to convince her otherwise though. I say to her the things you said to me because after all you were the one who strengthened me and gave me the confidence to be comfortable with who I am._

_I miss you and I love you. I hope you feel much better. If you didn't understand a word of this, just remember that our connection was something I won't forget.  
_

_With all my love,_

_Patsy"_

Patsy folded up the letter and hid it in her bedside drawer before sleep took over.

* * *

The sun was rising. Patsy breathed in the sea air. Clutching the empty bottle in one hand and scrunching the rolled up letter in the other. She carefully placed the letter inside the bottle, locked it in with a cork and took another deep breath in. Lastly, she kissed the bottle and threw it into the water as far as she could. A smile formed on her face. Even though the bottle had a highly unlikely chance of getting to Wales, Patsy now finally knew what her feelings were for certain and rode back to Nonnatus before Poplar woke up completely.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. They really mean a lot to me! Here's your reward. The last chapter. Hope you enjoy! X **

"Patsy, what have you done with my cherry lipstick? We have to leave in ten minutes and I can't go without looking perfect!" Trixie paced around the room, irritated.

"I haven't touched your lipstick. And I don't suppose that's because you're seeing a certain someone there is it?"

"No! Of course not! I'm over Tom. We didn't work and I've learned to accept it. But how can we know if he still likes me or not when he won't notice me because I'm not wearing my cherry lipstick?"

Patsy rolled her eyes and giggled. She too, was dressing to impress tonight. Not wanting to rush things though, she'd decided to try and just have a good time with Barbara and Trixie at the pictures rather than use it as a dating opportunity. But that didn't mean she couldn't make the extra effort to be noticed too.

With that in mind, where was Barbara?

"You alright Babs? We're about to leave." Patsy waited in anticipation outside Barbara's bedroom door. She was never late. What's going on?

A muffled reply followed. "I can't go now. I'm...I'm sick. Sorry!"

"Sick? Didn't you just finish work? Tell me what's wrong darling. It won't be the same without you there."

She wasn't just saying that, she felt it.

Silence.

Patsy gave up and slowly opened the door. Revealing Barbara with her head in her hands, elbows resting on bended knees. She didn't move despite being aware that Patsy now knew she was lying about being sick, and felt an arm slide round her back.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No."

"Did something happen?"

"Yes."

"Did something happen to you?"

"No. It was the baby."

Patsy felt cold. Thinking about what was going to be said next. She'd forgotten that the last stillborn baby she had delivered had been the same as Barbara's, and due to being so distraught herself, she never thought to discuss it with anyone else except for Delia.

"What about the baby?"

"They.. they named it after me."

Patsy sat up in shock. Heart beating faster in her chest. "They named the baby after you? That's amazing! Why do you seem so sad about it? You must've been brilliant! Not that you're not usually, of course."

"Because I don't know what to think. I almost messed it up. We were so close to losing her and I managed to save her at the last second. She's eight weeks early. But they called me a hero, an angel. Said it was a miracle. They'd lost two already and I was the first to deliver one alive. I just can't believe it. Everything happened so fast."

"You are a hero Babs, when are you going to believe that? It does get on my nerves the way you always sell yourself short. It sounds like you handled the birth extremely well. Don't think about what could've happened and be happy for what did. Now we're running late and Trixie will be wondering where we are, and don't tell me you're not coming. You deserve a night out."

Barbara smiled. This was one of the many reasons she loved Patsy. She helped her believe in herself.

"Alright. But you will stay with me, won't you?"

"Of course."

* * *

Patsy and Barbara went into the kitchen to get some late night supper while Trixie went upstairs. Kitchen encounters had become common between them.

"Do you feel better now?" Patsy asked with concern. She knew that Barbara had perked up significantly during the film but thought it would be an appropriate question to make sure her friend had enjoyed the evening and hadn't felt forced to go.

"Much better. Thank you for asking. And thank you for earlier too. You were right."

"I'm always right sweetie." Patsy replied in a jokey manner, making them both laugh. She got up to leave, not before giving Barbara a peck on the cheek. _What was the harm in it?_

"Night Babs."

"Goodnight Patsy." Barbara replied. Being left alone with a grin that only appeared when she truly felt proud of herself.

* * *

It was Sunday. No births were scheduled for today and all important work had been completed. Barbara woke up at 9am feeling refreshed and content when she turned over to see a piece of paper on the bedside table.

"Meet me at dock 4, the one where we shared the fish and chips two months ago, at 2 o'clock. I need to talk to you. :) - Patsy xx

Alarm bells rang in her head. This could be the day.

_The day someone finally falls in love with me._

"Excuse me miss, I can't help but notice that delicious portion of chips in your hands. I have no money. Would you be so kind as to share?"

"Sorry madam. I'm waiting for someone beautiful to join me."

"Well you'll be waiting a while."

"Oh hush Barbara." Patsy said with a smile as she handed the chips over.

"So, what's up? If this is about nearly falling asleep during church again, I told you to remember to eat breakfast first."

"A rich tea is breakfast!" Patsy pulled a sad face. "And no, that's not what this is about."

_Be brave, Pats._

"This is about the fact that I may or may not have developed feelings for you."

"Well, maybe I, or maybe I don't, have feelings for you too."

Pause.

"Except that was a lie, because I am definitely certain I have feelings for you."

Eyes met.

"Well then Barbara Gilbert. I suppose I'll just have to be your girlfriend then won't I?"

"One condition."

"Yes?"

"I get to be yours."

"Sounds like a fair deal."


End file.
